


Anathema

by stropsian



Category: Friday Night Funkin' (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Depersonalization, Hurt No Comfort, Kinda, Major Character Injury, Not Beta Read, Senpai-centric, i promise he's my favorite i just don't know how to cope with this, not beta'd we die like senpai's dignity, of sorts, sort of a vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29303409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stropsian/pseuds/stropsian
Summary: This feeling was anathema to him, and even so, it had consumed him whole for a reason he wasn’t able to understand just yet.
Comments: 24
Kudos: 90





	Anathema

**Author's Note:**

> hello gamers i am so sorry for this. written in like a couple of hours and also not beta'd or edited, forgive me for mistakes!! i love senpai a lot and I needed to write something for him. enjoy.

He feels foul, but doesn’t know why.

It had been a relatively normal day for him. He went to class, talked to his friends, put up with girls all day that came up to him, and overall? Nothing big had happened to him, no fights in the halls or anything of the sort. 

Eerie, now that he thinks about it. As if he were in the eye of a hurricane, calm and unknowing of the dangers that were to come later.

He had walked out of the building, surrounded by girls he wished he hadn’t been caught by. He was tired, and it all felt too mundane. Repetitive. He pretended to listen to them, nodding his head along to whatever they said, and hoped that it was enough to stop them from trying to engage him in a conversation that actually required him to be there in the moment fully. He’d occasionally flash his signature pretty boy smile at a girl who was intentionally trying to get his attention, and while it sent her heart soaring, it brought him no joy. Despite the boring nature of it all, it was still _calm._

All of that was brought to a stop when he heard a loud thud somewhere in front of him, sounding all too distant and all too close at the same time. He looked up from the girls, who were all shrieking as they tried to get Senpai’s attention. He looked up, and if he were any other person, he probably would have reacted the same way as the girls were. However, he can’t comprehend what he’s feeling, and upon taking in the sight, his entire body goes ice cold, and he freezes up ever so slightly.

He doesn’t know why. 

In front of him were two people; a girl and a boy, both seeming… out of this world. The boy’s hair color and his abnormal stature were alien to Senpai. There were a couple of speakers as well, huge ones, nearly the size of himself. He wondered how those got there so suddenly. He’s too afraid to question it for long or verbally ask. This wasn’t something that should be happening.

That wasn’t the worst of it. Every time he looked at the girl, he felt waves of emotion run up and down his spine. It was as if she had an aura that he could feel but couldn’t see, something sinister and knowing. His stomach twisted and turned, and his soul felt like it was clawing at his skin, wanting to burst out and rid him of these horrid feelings. 

It didn’t, though. Instead of any of this happening, he walked towards them, twirling his microphone around (when did he take this out of his bag?), each step feeling heavier and heavier the closer he got. He didn’t want to go towards them. He wanted to turn and run back into the school and hide, maybe notify a teacher, anything but talk to them himself. He didn’t feel like his own person in the moment. 

(That’s not me.)

He was used to feeling like parts of his life were scripted, but nothing to this degree. Some days he would walk into school and he could’ve sworn that he’d experienced a day exactly like it before, but he’d written it off as just mixed up memories or paranoia, but this can’t be written off. Maybe it could? Maybe he’s putting on an act for the girls. That _has_ to be it.

“Ah! A new fair maiden has come in search of true love!” he smiled despite himself, “A serenade between gentlemen shall decide where her beautiful heart shall reside.” 

Foul. Robotic, despite the emotion. Scary. He doesn’t want anything to do with this girl. She isn’t beautiful to him, she appears distorted in his eyes (both figuratively and literally) and he almost _wants_ to lose just so that he doesn’t win her over. That thought is quickly shut down as he feels a sharp pang of fear in his chest. 

(FAILURE.)

The boy makes some beeping sounds at him (this can’t be real) before music begins to play. It feels like he’s on autoplay, and the girls who were once shrieking were now watching this battle with eyes so full of love it was sickening. How can you go from fear-stricken to lovesick in a matter of minutes? It was pressuring, at the very least, and Senpai began to sing. He’d simply win and then he’d get the girl and then he’d dump her and his life would go back to normal. That’s the plan. He’s going to win. He _has_ to, no matter what. 

He doesn’t know why.

The kid (is he a kid? Maybe he’s just short, or a different subspecies of human) can hold his own, though. It’s like he’s done this before, like he goes around and lures people in with how strange they are to a battle of music. By the end of the song, it’s clear that Senpai (that can’t be his real name, can it?) is on the losing end.

(OH NO. OH NO, OH NO, OH NO, OH GOD.)

Everything that he’s felt before this is let loose, like he’s finally breaking away from what he’s being made to do. He feels so much fear in the moment, like a cornered, wounded animal, and he lets out a low growl. This sense of déjà vu is so strong in the moment, what happened to make him so afraid of losing? His soul is in shambles, raging against his own body, and he feels nothing but pure, unadulterated fear masked by anger.

The girls are looking at him in distress now, and despite the guilt he feels, it’s completely outweighed by everything else. This feeling was anathema to him, and even so, it had consumed him whole for a reason he wasn’t able to understand just yet.

“Not bad for an ugly worm,” he spat, face contorted in anger, “but this time I'll rip your nuts off right after your girlfriend finishes gargling mine.” It feels good to insult the girl, although he’s shaking as he does so. Why is he shaking? Why is she so scary? The boy replies in more beeps, which is insulting at best. How dare he treat this like a joke? It feels like life or death.

(It is.)

He’s erratic. He keeps jumping from note to note quickly, attempting to throw the boy off and have him lose. It goes well at some parts, but others… not so much. Each right note and each right rhythm is a thorn to his heart.

The boy wins again. Apparently, Senpai’s best wasn’t good enough. 

Why wasn’t it good enough? 

(I’m going to die.)

It’s not the end of the world.

(Failure ends in pain, I know this.)

Please.

(Remember.)

(Remember, remember, remember, remember, remember, remember, remember, remember-)

His soul has to be physically raging against the body by now. What’s happening to him? Nothing bad has happened and he’s lost twice already, nothing bad is going to happen. It’s just a detour from normal life. So why does it hurt him _so, so much?_

Something inside him snaps. He _remembers._

This isn’t real life, no wonder everything felt so fake and scripted and repetitive why hadn’t he remembered sooner? How could he forget? The girl was his ex, and this kid he was rapping against… was probably her new boyfriend. Her poor new boyfriend, unaware of the danger he’s in with this girl. 

(How could she move on so quickly? Maybe it wasn’t quick at all, but he doesn’t know how long he’s been here. Time isn’t real here. It’s too much.)

It’s all too much. Everything is a lot. Everything is a lot. Everything is a lot. His insides are crawling, and after what feels like too long and too little all at once, his physical form can’t handle it. 

It hurts. It’s painful, incredibly so. He curls over in pain, from the feeling of _something_ moving around inside of him. Clawing its way out of him. His face bursts open as whatever it is _finally_ starts to break the skin, and he feels himself physically breaking down with it. He can’t see out of one of his eyes now, and it’s still leaving. It’s still in him.

He goes with it. He looks back to his previous vessel, which was now covered in blood and unmoving. Neither of them give him any sort of reaction, and it’s infuriating. 

“Direct contact with real humans, after being trapped in here for so long…” he starts, his voice sounding angrier, yet more real than the entire time he’s been here, “and HER of all people.” He throws a look at her, because he _knows_ that she knows, but all she can do is give him a sympathetic look. Like she was pitying him. 

He doesn’t need pity, especially not from her. He knows it’s fake, because she doesn’t care about him and never has. She just watched as _he_ sent Senpai away to a video game, and is only here now due to some freak accident. He’s never felt so much hate within himself.

“I'll make her father pay for what he's done to me and all the others,” he spits, “I’ll beat you and make you take my place.” It feels reassuring, but so _pressuring_. He had to win this one, or else he’d be trapped here again for god knows how long. It’s so scary. He doesn’t even want to hurt this kid, because he’s in the same situation Senpai was a long time ago. He felt empathy for the boy, but empathy isn’t enough to stop revenge.

“You don’t mind your bodies being borrowed, right?” It’s a rhetorical question, but it sounds so desperate and genuine and Senpai sees the boy go to say something (probably more antagonistic beeps) at him. 

“It’s only fair.”

The music starts, and he fights for his _life._ He’s panicked, though, and he can barely focus on making new rhythms, so the song just comes off as repetitive. Oh, the irony. Everything in his life repeats, even now. The boy is keeping up relatively well, and oh _boy_ does he panic. He starts thrashing around what’s left of his life form (his soul, the only thing left. How sad.) in a pathetic attempt to throw him off.

Near the end, he realizes that he’s going to lose. There’s no winning this for him. He’s going to lose and he’ll forget all of this, and the girl (Cherry, her name is Cherry, but he doesn’t want to call her that. A monster like her doesn’t deserve to be called a name, but then again, neither does he.) will leave with her boyfriend and he’ll be all alone again in a repetitive world, with no real purpose.

He’s going to be abandoned.

He’s going to be left behind.

(LET ME OUT.)

The song ends, and… the boy won. He won three times. That makes Senpai a failure. A failure worth nothing. A failure who’s going to be punished for being such. 

(He can’t take it.)

His soul returns to his body, too weak to stay in such a nightmarish form. As he returns, the pain comes back hard, unlike anything he’s felt before. The only thing he can see from his right eye is red, and the blood from where his face partially split causing extreme distress. He lets out a wail, looking back up to the two, with words he can’t verbalize but desperately wants to.

(Please don’t leave me alone. Help me get revenge, please?)

It’s excruciating. Tiring. He fully expects them to leave him for dead, but… they walk over to him, bend down and... help him up. It’s confusing, in such a delirious, tired state but he can feel himself against the shoulder of someone, and as much as the contact scares him, it’s his only hope. His only way to feel secure. 

He passes out from blood loss a couple of moments later. Maybe when he wakes up, he’ll be back in his dorm room, or maybe he’ll finally return to the real world and be able to convince this snake woman and her poor boyfriend to help him. Maybe he doesn’t want help at all. Death is sometimes the most forgiving option.

He just doesn’t know.


End file.
